Marty reminds me of one of my favorite romantic comedies, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, except in Marty the protagonist is a man who still lives at home and is harassed to marry because he is getting “old.” Both of these films really hit on a big issue in our society. There is so much pressure to be on the dating/marriage timeline that society (and family!) dictates we have. But as Toula discovers in MBFGW, love isn’t about schedules and social pressure—and it’s far more meaningful when one waits for the right person rather than rushing into something that will not last. If we didn’t hurry into relationships because we care so much about what other people think of us, perhaps divorce rates wouldn’t be as high as they are these days.

In essence, then, Marty is a tale about not caring about what everybody else cares about. It is a love story about “ugly” people who are overweight, gap-toothed, shy, awkward, rejected “dogs.” But, like Marty tells Clara, “Two people get married and are gonna live together for forty or fifty years so it’s gotta be more than whether they’re just good-looking or not.” How very refreshing! The film shows us society’s pressure to find someone special—and quickly—and to get married by a certain age and have kids by a certain age, etc. But the only family unit we see that followed that stereotypical pattern—Marty’s cousin Tommy and his wife and baby—are completely stressed out and bickering all the time because they aren’t able to find a balance between their new immediate family unit and their relationship with Tommy’s mother, Aunt Catherine.

Clara and Marty dance at the Stardust Ballroom.

In addition to addressing society’s guidelines about dating and marriage, the film also slams stereotypes of masculinity. Several characters including Marty and Clara comment on how nice of a person Marty is. His regard for common human decency leads Marty to ensure Clara’s welfare when she is abandoned by a self-centered date at the Stardust Ballroom on the night that they first meet. What Marty demonstrates is that it isn’t bad to be kind to others—it is not a weakness for a man to show compassion and concern for those around him. In fact, that’s a positive quality to have—one that women should look for in a potential spouse. Tenderheartedness is attractive—and Marty’s sensitivity to the feelings of others indicates he is being his real self and not putting on a “tough guy” act to snag as many “helpless” females as possible.

For Me Then…

A few years back when I was about 24-25 years old, a person who will remain unnamed here told me (and I quote) that my being single was “depriving some man of his wife.” I think I chuckled in response because I was so shocked that someone who didn’t know me very well would have the gall to say something like that to me. The person was in fact male and was of the persuasion that women exist to guarantee that men are comfortable and cared for (I won’t let that brainless opinion get me off on a tangent right now). Regardless of the fact that I was just a couple years out of college and very young, this man felt the need to reprimand me for “sinning” and to put the whole onus of my singleness upon my head. Suffice it to say, the more I ruminated on that comment, the angrier I became.

I’m not sure what solution my accuser would have suggested for my “sinful” state of not being married, but I can totally sympathize with Marty in this week’s BP. Marty has a very transparent conversation with his mother regarding his singleness, and his rage and frustration at the criticism of those around him boils over. Agonizingly, Marty explains to his mother that he is tired of being hurt by rejection all the time. Each time he pursues a woman out of romantic interest or desperation or peer pressure, he makes himself vulnerable to her curt dismissal and a reaffirmation of his bachelorhood. The pain of feeling unwanted leads Marty to shout: “Ma, whaddaya want from me? Whaddaya want from me? I’m miserable enough as it is.” What Marty doesn’t understand (and neither do I) is why people assume that an unmarried person is either flawed or does not desire marriage.  It’s not that Marty wants to be single for the rest of his life; he just hasn’t found the right woman yet (until he meets Clara, that is). But his family should be his greatest supporters whether he remains unwed or not.

There is one thing about Marty and Clara’s relationship that bothers me a tad. The film makes clear that they are misfits in the game of love. They are (supposed to be) unattractive and too old. Marty is 34, and it can be argued he is a man in his prime—contemplating an offer to purchase his own business, financially stable, spiritually mature, etc. But Clara, though also established in the professional world as a chemistry teacher considering accepting a position as head of a school’s science program, is 29. What irks me about this is that, although it is odd for a man to be unmarried in his mid-30s, the movie can work with Marty’s age. However, the female lead must be in her 20s still—oh, she is much older than society would accept as a proper age for marrying, but leaving Clara in her 20s allows her the possibility of fulfilling the woman’s proper role as mother—a female familial/social position the film has a lot to say about (though that’s not the focus of this particular post—sorry!).

So then there’s Sarah (that’s me!) watching this film at the ripe old age of 30-something (where did the time go!?). Still single. Still told by family and society that I’m missing out on a full life and am not living up to my potential. Why excuse me, I’ll just go out and grab the first 30-something-year-old dude who happens to pass by…That was a joke, friends. Anyhow, just to be clear, I am a complete person in my own right (like Marty). God has “fearfully and wonderfully” made me, and I am a child of the King–cherished, empowered, completely held in His hands. He will “direct my paths” and “meet all my needs.” I “lack no good thing.” And if Prince Charming comes along some day…well, we’ll just cross that bridge if/when we get there. In conclusion, Marty and I say it’s ok, single people, it’s ok.