I certainly don’t think of the Jarrett family in this film as ordinary. They are definitely upper (way, way, way upper) middle class—and that might be underestimating their financial situation a bit. Furthermore, Ordinary People is perhaps a bit of a sarcastic title anyway, for no one is truly ordinary. Yet I think what the film is saying is that regardless of what each person possesses or the level of their financial success, we are all basically the same inside—and for this film, the truth of that sameness means that we all struggle to find a way to deal with tragedy when it occurs.

In Ordinary People, each of the three surviving members of the Jarrett family must cope with the death of Buck, the older of the two Jarrett boys. For Calvin, the father, Buck’s death was a terrible accident. It was no one’s fault, and he must be mourned, but then life must go on without him. For Beth, the mother, Buck’s death may have been an accident, but it is an unforgivable one. There will never be any full recovery from his loss. Still, one must keep up appearances—certainly, wealthy friends can never know how difficult life is without one’s firstborn or that any member of the Jarrett family might still be struggling mentally or emotionally with Buck’s death. For Conrad, the surviving son, Buck’s death is on his hands. He survived the boating accident when his older brother did not—hence, it must be his fault. Conrad’s survivor’s guilt builds up within him until he attempts suicide, an act unpardonable to his already distanced mother, who deserts her son in every way but physically (at least for most of the film). By far, the relationship between Beth and Conrad is the most gripping conflict in the film. To one who has not endured the loss that they have it is impossible to understand why Beth can barely speak or even look at her son. She constantly encourages Calvin to take trips with her and leave Conrad behind, and she rails at her husband about being too soft on Conrad and making him disrespectful to her.

Beth and Conrad in a rare exchange of dialogue.

The source of Beth’s repulsive and painful treatment of Conrad stems from her excessive love for Buck. The one scene in which Beth and Buck are seen together shows Beth lounging on a towel in the family’s backyard while Buck jokes around and she laughs uncontrollably—as if she were on a first date with him (honestly, the scene is that awkward). Conrad is present in the scene too. He also laughs at Buck, but Conrad himself might as well be invisible, for Beth only has eyes for Buck. Moreover, while most of the other characters remember Buck as fun-loving and popular with everyone, there are hints throughout the film that Buck was both an idiot and a jerk. Conrad notes how Buck’s lack of focus was what put the two in the path of the storm that fateful day—Buck was goofing off even up until the moment of his death. While those left behind must find a way to carry on with their lives, Buck never valued his—not even enough to save it.

For Me Then…

The most critical moment of Ordinary People comes when Calvin has a visit with Dr. Berger, the psychiatrist Conrad has been seeing. For almost the entire film, Calvin has been trying, as best he knows how, to keep his remaining family together. He has been patient and encouraging with Conrad as he re-enters everyday life after his post-suicide-attempt stay in a mental hospital, and he is devoted and loving to Beth even when her coldness toward Conrad is unwarranted and non-understandable. But seeing an improvement in Conrad since the start of his visits with Dr. Berger, Calvin begins having doubts about the family’s true state after Buck’s death. What Calvin realizes and what Beth confirms to him (spoiler alert!) is that his wife has never really loved him. She loves their social and financial status, their fancy friends, and their finery. Her affections focus on things rather than people, and she refuses to deal with (or associate with) anything (or anyone) that she views as a threat to her social position and how people view her. For her, it would have been easier socially to grieve the loss of two sons than to have to field questions about Conrad’s recovery after his discharge from the mental hospital. It would have been even better, in Beth’s opinion, if Conrad would have died and Buck would have lived.

A disillusioned Calvin in Dr. Berger’s office.

Beth’s exit at the end of the film would make her a good comparison to Joanna Kramer from Kramer vs. Kramer—were it not for the fact that Beth never claims to possess love for either Calvin or Conrad. Calvin, broken by the realization that his love for Beth has died and hers for him never really existed, truly sees his recovering son for the first time and identifies with his pain. As the two Jarrett men embrace in the backyard, it appears that Conrad, having been able to work through his feelings with Dr. Berger and with Jeannine, his new girlfriend, has become the strong one and will now support his father in processing his own pain. In the end, then, Ordinary People does demonstrate that love can transcend pain—but although there’s enough heartbreak in the film to downplay any hope it offers, no one could say that the story is unbelievable. After all, we all experience suffering at some point in our lives, and we often deal with it in unhealthy ways. I guess, in that sense, we are all ordinary people.